For better or worse, I am a very free spirited person. It has taken me well into three years of wedded bliss and living in the role of homemaker to begin to get a grasp of how to do this thing. Now it's such a big hobby of mine, and now that I've found other moms out there share my issue of having a mega homemaking learning curve, I decided I need a blog to share the good word about how I do this stuff.
For those of us who don't rock at keeping house, the great housekeepers of the world are an enigma. Questions such as, "How do they have all that energy?" and "How does their place look so clean all the time?" are guilt-inducing for some of us who don't have the knack. Heck, the knack is so far from me that I can't even tell you if a knack for this kind of thing even exists. So, I want to share how I started tackling this thing with a six step program. That's right, just six steps folks!
1. Acknowledge and accept the problem.
You're a bad housekeeper. It's okay. We all have different gifts and talents, we all have our knacks- this just isn't yours. Some people are more musically inclined, for example, so they can pick up a guitar and learn quickly. That's their thing. Some people, however, need to seriously WORK for the same set of skills. That's what doing the Domestic Thing is like. There's nothing wrong with the person who needs to work harder to have the same skill level as the guitar player who takes to it like a bird to the wind, and there's nothing wrong with you for having to work hard towards Domestic Engineer: Master Level.
2. Know you're going to have to work for it.
You can't just wish you were a better housekeeper. You're going to have to start practicing. Consider the aforementioned musical analogy- you may be really bad at keeping rhythm. Wishing that you could become amazing at keeping rhythm is not going to improve your sense of rhythm. You're going to have to work, put your brain into it, and practice it. Same goes with the housework.
3. Figure out the problem, but don't make excuses for yourself. Ask yourself one "what" a long series of "whys."
What, precisely, is the mess you're having a hard time keeping up with? Why is it that you're having a hard time with it? Yes, some small portion of it is laziness/apathy sometimes. But if you can pinpoint the problem, you'll know how to tackle it. In my case, clutter is the biggest problem. Why? Because there isn't a place for everything. Why? Twofold problem - I don't have a lot of storage or closet space for the things I need, and I have a lot of things that don't have a place that I don't need at all. Why? Reason A) We just moved and started over from scratch. We've go the stuff now, but not the right places for stuff to go. B) Sometimes I end up with things I don't need, or hold on to things I don't need.
You get the idea. Start thinking about this rationally, but NO excuses! This is not the time for self-validation. It's the time for figuring out the issue. Sometimes you'll have pretty good reasons, and sometimes your reasons are going to be lame. Take them all in stride. You're a work in progress!
4. Get realistic - set attainable goals.
Now that you've had a long pondering session (and hopefully not an existential meltdown), start setting goals. In a few sentences, figure out what your standards are. In my case, my place just isn't going to be as clean as my grandma's house until I don't have a little tornado of child-sized destruction following me around. I'm going to have toys on my floors sometimes, but I know I just don't need papers randomly stacked everywhere. See? I've figured out what's realistic for me in my current life situation. You need to do that too. It may not be realistic for you to have your laundry done all the time, but maybe you can keep your fridge better organized with some upkeep.
The last step in this category is to make some kind of actual list of goals. Maybe you need to do a checklist, maybe you need notecards, maybe you need to type this sucker up- no matter how you do it, you need a guide and a clear picture of how you're going to tackle this problem.
5. Do the giant clean-up.
Now it's time for work. This is the "just do it" phase, and it's definitely the least pleasant. Later, your best friend is going to just be doing small tasks for upkeep. But for now you're going to have to rid yourself of the stuff you don't need anymore, deep clean that closet you've been dreading, do all of the laundry that's been strewn...do it now, and you're going to be able to putz at it later!
6. Don't worry about what people think and do this for yourself.
I'll tell you what has never helped me be a better housekeeper: fretting about what people would think if they knew how hard this task is for me. You have to figure out a good place to put the caring about what other people think. While deep breathing in yoga, you're supposed to really clear your mind. When thoughts come in, acknowledge their presence and breathe them out. Shift focus back to your breathing. In less hippie terms (you're going to get the hippie stuff from me a lot), do this when the "intrusive thoughts" start in: take a deep breath. Think, "Oh, hey imaginario-" (imaginary scenario) "about Aunt Ethel judging my lame housekeeping skills. SEE YA!"
Don't let Aunt Ethel hang around long enough to psyche you out. You're doing this for you. So give yourself a pat on the back!
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